Attempts to get Yoni to improve had failed, as I’ve said before. We wanted to put an end to this, and given we were on the final leg of the final chapter, it was best to just have done with it. … That was mostly my group’s input. I myself was largely along for the ride.
If you’re wondering what the adventure was like? Well, look at the Wikipedia article. This entire thing had “TPK” written all over it, really…
The Abyss was a messy place, with dozens of portals, and only one of them was right. Luckily, we got it on the second try. The first try had us entering the realm of Kali, though luckily, since Yoni didn’t have stats for her, she just wound up chasing us back through the portal.
The trip down the Styx, though… Yoni rolled for random encounters, taking the concept of a 10% chance of an encounter per minute rather literally, and, since the trip would take an hour of in game time… Rolled sixty times.
We only got two encounters, though. Another lucky break, though a lot of that was waiting for Yoni to finish rolling…
Orcus’ realm was a nightmarish maze, where, even with Yoni showing us the maps, there was no easy way to determine which passages lead where. I give this adventure credit for that, as very few written sources truly encompass what a realm of pure chaos and pure evil the Abyss rightly is.
Likewise, Orcus’ palace was a maze of portals and extra-dimensional spaces, that made me remember why I don’t use many mazes. Personal pref there, of course.
It would require a miracle to get through this in one piece.
That night, we had three.
It was before the palace, however, where the first miracle happened.
There were caverns surrounding the palace. A twisting maze of networks, filled with monsters and other horrible things. Yoni put the map before us, certain we couldn’t avoid them all. Steph, who’d been our puzzle solver for most of this debacle, had a route in mind, but something was eating at me. I asked to have a closer look at it… And, remembering my childhood running mazes on paper, promptly found a route through the tunnels that avoided all of the battles in the caves.
Likewise, when we hit the open area, we snuck into the castle- Somehow, the huge fuckoff Red Dragon and the demon lord Pazuzu circling the palace by air didn’t see us as we strolled in through the front door…
More mazes, more nonsense, and finally we reached the throne room of Orcus.
This was when the second miracle happened.
Yoni went to take out his Orcus figure that he’d spent $60 on some years before, in preparation for this exact moment…
… only to find he’d forgotten it, because he wasn’t expecting us to get this far that night.
The battle began in earnest, with Yoni subbing out the Gargantuan Black Dragon for Orcus, as they had the same space profile.
We got in a few hits, and then, I went to the bathroom after my turn.
It was Raul’s turn. Raul was playing a Vampire, a class that… honestly, is rather broken. Raul was loving it, though, and nobody minded the extra muscle.
It was when I was in the bathroom that the third miracle happened.
When I came back from the bathroom, Raul had used an ability on Orcus that inflicted the Dominated status on him, meaning Raul was now in control of Orcus’ actions.
Yoni hadn’t read the stat bock for Orcus enough (I have doubts the ability should have even worked on him), and more, didn’t realize that Dominate, in 4e, only let you use At-Will and Basic attacks.
Raul moved to use Orcus’ Touch of Death. This was a Standard power, normally disallowed by Dominate. Yoni allowed it.
Raul declared that Orcus’ target was to be… Himself.
Orcus rolled to hit himself, succeeded, and, per the effects of the attack, promptly died.
Mopping up his minions, we got the Wand, and the next week, went on to fight Tiamat.
In addition to myself, in attendance were Chris, Raul, Burns, Michelle (Burns’ fiancé), Kyle, Steph (two new faces who’d been with us through Bloodstone) and Yoni’s friend whose name I don’t recall, making eight people.
Tiamat died in two full turns, my sub-optimal Beast Form Druid landing the finishing blow. I felt well pleased that I was the one to put this game out of its misery.
The ending followed, with the seed left behind from the destruction of the Wand being planted in the kingdm of Bloodstone, where it would protect the people as long as their hearts never turned to evil. I wanted it planted in my Druid grove, but Yoni insisted-one last time- that this isn’t how the adventure was written.
Fucking whatever.
Yoni thanked us all, stating that running Bloodstone was something that had been on his “bucket list” for years.
I really don’t know what to say to that… I don’t even know how to end the post at this point. So I’ll just thank you for reading, and I hope to see you soon.
Long Exile Gaming 
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