Were-Watch 5: The Final Frontier

It’s here!

And I might just have to review this thing. I mean, actually review it and not just mock the freaking Animal entries.

As much fun as I’ve had doing that, mind.

But this Bestiary is… Well, it’s a beast. And I mean that in both a good and bad manner.

But then again, what would you expect from the fifth in a series? It isn’t surprising.

Though there were things in this that DID surprise me. One so amazing, so great, so utterly fantastic, that I literally need to save the best for last.

So let’s go! The rules are simple: I look at a Bestiary and I delve into its Animal entries, in terms of what would happen if we were silly enough to take a random Animal and apply the Lycanthrope template to it.

Because I am that silly. Let’s roll.

Bear, Polar and Dire Polar: Well, there’s already werebears. Gives something for your Frost Giants to turn into?

Cameroceras: Um, what? Deep sea werebeasts, maybe? Or an amusing target for Teratocephalos maybe? Like I said, this book is a mix of good and bad, and this creature is a little of both.

Digmaul: An amusing mix of a big cat and a stegosaurus, lycanthropes with tail attacks in hybrid form are always fun. For you. This thing is actually based on a “fearsome critter,” and as usual, Paizo takes a tall tale and turns it into the last thing you want chasing you…

Dinosaurs: Ceratosaurus, Plesiosaurus, Therizinoosaurus and Troodon. All except that third one make  superb shifters, and even that guy would be good if you went “Attack on Fucking Titan” again, and had to describe the beast that just one-shotted the Barbarian as “comical.”

Frog, Father and Goliath: Well hello. I thought we was done with ye. Both of these guys have a tongue they can use to grab people. And the Goliath, in true Paizo naming fashion, is merely Large. While I can definitely see an issue with Animals that are the same, but different… Hell, that’s why this subject exists. For the fun factor. Also, more Swallow Whole lycanthropes! We are not the hunters…

Megafauna: Good to see you again. Chalicotherium is another potential were-sloth, this  one Large. So, “the same, but different,” it is. Kaprosuchus is a were-crocodile, though it can ram creatures with its snout (…?). Moa is a flightless bird, basically a were-ostrich. Uintatherium is… another were-rhino, though this one can bite. Overall, nothing quite as magnificent as the original were-sloth but beggars can’t be choosers.

Whale, Blue and Narwhal: The same, but different. One’s got a tusk anyway.

Wolliped: What do you mean, this isn’t a Magical Beast? These eight-legged freaks remind me of those things from Star Wars. They can even spew at their enemies. Weird-ass bugger. Not even I’m sure this is a good idea.

And because I said I was saving the best for last, we return to “A” for…

Ape, Megaprimatus: Oh my Chtulhu.This is amazing. It’s basically King Kong, as Pathfinder monster. This thing can step to creatures larger than itself, can literally tear its enemies to pieces, and it has an inborn Bite attack. This thing is great on its own. A were-version is almost overkill. I’m really rethinking my “Christmas present,” because what I was planning on, it turns out, isn’t SRD, and this is.

It probably won’t be a Lycanthrope, but rather a demonstration of a concept I’ve toyed with for awhile.  Still, if you want were-Tyranosaurus versus were-Primatus, go ahead. I won’t stop you!

And there we have it. There’s a few “bonus episodes” I’m considering doing, from the “Shit’s too easy” tab of third-party books. Very good third-party books, but even the good ones can break the game in the wrong hands.

Like mine.

See you next time.

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